So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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