i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
