ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
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Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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