I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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