bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
