Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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