I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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