Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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