Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
