it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
