Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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