Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
