You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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