Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
