he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
