I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
