There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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