How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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