East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
