Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
