you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
