Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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