Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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