On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower