yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911