I looked at my own cervix.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
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Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
be right there i have to get my cape