I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.