i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.