if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
