Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
