Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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