What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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