have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
