those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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