I heard we made out
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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