I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
