where am i from again
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
