Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
