Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
