when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
