That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
