Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize