I puked a lego.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
