mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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