girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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