It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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