dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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