I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
