I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
