I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
