I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
