nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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