I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
