shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
