I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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