I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
