I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
