My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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