He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So here I am, sexting at work.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
