My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
