No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
