Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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