the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
