My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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