Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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