i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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