ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My ass is underappreciated
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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